How's It Going?

That's pretty much what everyone is asking right now.

Bluntly, it's going. Which sucks. We're getting married and the "it's going" feeling is really the last thing you want to feel. You want to be happy and excited and all of that good stuff. It's just emotional fraying, as we're being spread very thin and are getting exhausted. It's a test for sure, the most worthwhile one I can imagine, and one in which we will persevere stronger as a couple. I'm confident of that. But do we really not get to have any fun until September 21st?

We want so badly for it to be a beautiful, memorable, unforgettable day, that our friends and family will remember and be (selfishly) impressed by. We want it to be full of personality and emotion, a day that reflects who we are. We want people to smile and to say to themselves, "That was very Ji Eun and Matthew." In a good way! And that's the hard part.

It's been frustrating because it is the first time for both families and no one is quite sure what their roles and responsibilities are. We are partly to blame for not making it very very clear what we expect. It's our first time too, and sometimes we feel bad doling out responsibilities. Maybe we're just selfless or maybe we just don't trust anyone with out vision. It's really both. Regardless, learning from this experience is really worthless to us. It's a luxury we reap none of the benefit of. You don't get to learn. This is it. One shot to make it everything you want. (Shaking hands) That's pressure.

We aren't exactly dealing with a large window to plan things out, as we are just now about six and a half months removed from engagement. Such a small time line to get things done, coupled with details that pop up every day has made for a lot of stress and anxiousness. One thing gets done, ten more details pop up. Straightforward things fracture off into a a tangled mess.

Our favorite thing right now is "Why didn't you..." I dunno. Because we already took care of it, reserved it, made plans, etc. We can't change it. We can't go back in time, so please support us and our decisions. This is what we want. What we really need is help before we make final calls.

Marriage is a beautiful thing. Love is the greatest thing on Earth. Wedding planning is Sisyphean. It's an uphill journey. We can't wait to get rid of that boulder and to start on life together. I can almost see it now. Or is that just Queens?

I would be remiss if I didn't thank everyone that has helped, because we do appreciate it. So thank you for everything you've helped us with, the kind words of encouragement, and patience, and for caring.

More blogs to come. If our heads don't explode.

To Be The Man

I'm writing about me again. Not very couple like I suppose.

Last weekend, Ji went to look at gowns with her mother and sister in New York. They're going to do the same this weekend in Philly. It's a big surreal moment I assume, putting on those dresses, wearing veils, seeing yourself in the mirror as a bride and future wife. Moments like this, they symbolize a passage into grown up womanhood. Its a shared experience from one generation to the next. It's like joining a club.

My question is, what is the equivalent moment for a guy? Tuxedos don't really create much of a buzz. They're elegant and handsome, but you see them at award dinners, gallery openings, orchestra performances (because I go to all of those on a regular basis) and think nothing of it unless you work for the E! Network or People Magazine. Tuxedo doesn't equal wedding. It doesn't have the same cache as the wedding gown. Plus, guys don't really do the whole, "Let's go looking for tuxedos Dad and brother!"

So we've established that isn't the moment. Is it the actual wedding day? Is it when you own your first home? Have your first son? Coach your first little league team? I'm not sure. If I had to venture a a guess, it's when your future father-in-law kisses his daughter and then shakes your hand. He is trusting you with her happiness, heart, and security, something he's always had exclusivity over. Don't screw this up. Your the man now. (And I will find you if you screw it up)

Is that the moment? It must be. Right?

Hello, We're Getting Related - When the Susses visited the Lees

Imagine a blind date.

The awkwardness. The anticipation. The hope that everything will work out. The fear that you'll never get back those three hours of your life. You cross your fingers, take a deep breath and hope for the best.

That's what it's like when the two families of an engaged couple meet for the first time. The only difference is the dates never stop. You are going to be family, and you're going to like it. Or not.

I was surprised by my tranquility. I thought perhaps I would be worried when my parents and sister arrived at the front door of the Lee residence, but it never happened. My lack of apprehension was a bit alarming, and I found myself having one of those sit-com self narratives. "Matt, are you going to get worried soon? No? Well you're no fun!"

Greeted at the door by Mr. Lee, the Suss family was invited to have a seat in the living room. Now what? You know what we need? Small talk. And so it came to pass. Typical things that new acquaintances talk about, mostly and appropriately relating to the engagement and impending wedding. Six strangers and one shy Maltese just figuring it out.

It started off a little slow, but we all found our stride over delicious berries from Bucks County Produce. Before you know it, we were headed to dinner. The first supper if you will.

It's amazing how incredible a social lubricant great food and drink are. Check that...amazing food. Sushi, the freshest sashimi I've ever tasted, Kobe beef in Ponzu, a crab cake the size of a saucer. We ate, and laughed, and really forgot it was our first time all together. Before you knew it, dinner was over and we were headed back to the Lees.

When we returned, coffee was served and any trace of awkwardness that existed we when we last sat down had disappeared. We left for Long Island shortly after to goodbye waves at the front door and the agreement that we would meet some time on the Island.
As we turned onto the DeKalb pike, we were smiling, knowing just how lucky we were. No longer strangers, not even acquaintances, but family.