On the Receiving End

One weekend. Seven Reception sites. One guy's thoughts on the places we've been, the people we met, and the baked goods we acquired.

First I would like to say thank you to the Maid of Honour, (I like spelling it the British/Canadian way) Jung for shuttling us across New Jersey in our search for the perfect venue, thank you to Tutu, our mascot, for keeping our spirits up, and to Korean food for reminding us what it was like to eat.

On with the tour....


The Manor - (West Orange, NJ)

"Nothing to worry about." That seemed to be the theme of this place. It was the first hall we visited so we hadn't yet got the hang of all the questions we were supposed to ask. The room we liked was small, but opened up into a green house area where the cocktail hour would take place. Unfortunately, if the dining room gets too crowded, the DJ has to be stationed in what I assume to be the poorly accousticized glass room. Imagine, the music outside the dining room? "No problem." When our tour guide, who reminded me of Stephen Root during his News Radio days, started talking about what a great deal they were compared to other overpriced high-end places, the conversation was over. All we wanted to know was why would you make our reception special. All we heard about was your inferiority complex and a bunch of glossed over answers. Menu did look good and bonus points for the nicest glossy folder, but I don't see the Manor in our future.


The Crystal Plaza - (Livingston, NJ)

Barry is a selling machine. Luring you in with his calm, soothing voice, and backing it up with the options to customize the wedding however desired, I had to snap out of it long enough not to write a check. It was insane. It made perfect sense a half an hour later why they offered us martinis before noon. Bluntly, the Crystal Plaza has a beautiful ballroom. Everything else is just on the cusp of complete fairytale cheese though. There was also no nice place to have a ceremony. The upstairs room is pretty ugly with only one window. Outside, was perplexing because they said they could accommodate over 200 guests, but we could figure out how. This was the opposite of The Manor in that it was all about the customer service. It still doesn't feel right though. Fun Fact: Barry had a 21 1/2 year old bichon frise. That's apparently the oldest one EVER!

The Skylands at Randolph - (Randolph, NJ)

Pretty imposing from the outside. Mostly underwhelming on the inside. This is your lipstick on a pig case study. Gene, resident crazy eyed guide, tried hard. He really did. Tried to cover up for the moving junior high gym-esque room dividers. Tried to sell us on a wedding in a conference room amongst silk flowers. Even tried to talk us out of wanting the Platinum package. Gene tried to stress the importance of baking 2000 rolls on premises. We even got a box of cookies for the road. You can look to the sky and see beautiful chandeliers, but when you look to the land you'll head to the door.

Meadow Wood Manor - (Randolph, NJ)

We noticed this tucked away place on our way to the Skylands, and when we came back that way, we figured we'd check it out. What a boon. We were greeted by a whirling dervish named Mary Ellen who enthusiastically (but not obnoxiously) gave us the tour and told us everything we needed to know about the place (again, in a good way, not a talking for the sake of talking way). It's a new facility and it's all about doing things how you want to do them. There isn't a customer service option they won't at least consider. Their goal was to center their operation on comfort from furnishings to food and they do achieve that. It's the decorations where it gets a tad hairy. The displays are a little kitschy (I am being generous - check out the gallery). Think, "Let's buy a bunch of crazy stuff from Home Goods and make it glitteriffic!" Still, we could get rid of all that stuff. We walked away with good feelings about this place. We'll see what happens.

The Castle at Skylands Manor - (Ringwood, NJ)

We got a call earlier in the day that another group had canceled their appointment and we could come look at the castle at 5:30. So off we were. Off the beaten path. Off the road. In the dark and through the woods. It was Ichabod Crane style and we were spooked out. When we finally got to the Castle, the proprietor (since NJ actually owns the castle) Jerry greeted us with coffee and a tour of the place. It would have been nicer to see it during the day because the grounds are a major plus apparently. Still it was amusing following a obviously excited Jerry through the seemingly endless labyrinth of rooms on the estate. (It was a bit of a bummer he didn't show us the "Safe Room" in the basement.) I'm pretty sure it would be awesome for hide and seek...hopefully someone would find you. The Castle was another very customizable option (You're renting a friggin' castle!) and Jerry was exceedingly accommodating. After the tour we talked about options, costs, food, dogs, and football. Soon it was time to go, but not before he had a plate of chocolate chip cookies that had been fresh baked earlier in the day wrapped up for us. Because the parking lot was a little bit of a hike, he also drove us to our car and lead us off the unlit grounds. I don't remember if this was a reception tour. I think I just hung out in a castle.


The Gran Centurions - (Clark, NJ)

Shame on me. Fooled by a damn website. There is a reason you don't trust tiny pictures. Now that I've seen the place (for a whole 15 minutes) I now know that the website is infinitely more impressive than the Gran. It looked like a bingo hall. I think we would insult our guests if we had a reception here. I could NEVER actually get married here. The highlight for me was seeing a guy pop a balloon stuck in a light fixture with a stick. No Friggin' Way! FYI: Later in the day I wrote my Hooters take out order on the back of their folder.

The Imperia On Easton - (Somerset, NJ)

What a shame. That sums it all up. It was a bad sign when there was no one to great us when we arrived for out appointment. It was a worse sign when I had to hunt down the lady we had to tour with because she was helping people who didn't even have an appointment. Let me start with the good. The building, which was new, was completely our style. It was the closest viscerally to what we wanted. It also had a great outside are if we wanted to have a ceremony outside. Here come the problems. We weren't sure if anyone actually worked there. It was empty. It was also insulting when the few employees that were there kept interrupting our tour because they were incompetent. When we were being shown one of the downstairs ballrooms, it was being prepared for a party that afternoon. We were appalled to see the customer re-numbering her own tables without the help of any staff. Here the lady is, dressed up for her event, doing the employees work. The nerve. How can you trust people like this with your wedding? Not only that but they were very inflexible when it came to making changes. Well, until she heard we were coming from New York City. Then she was more agreeable to customizing..."for an upcharge of course." I'm getting mad writing this. What a shame.

So that was our first Wedding Road Trip. We had our highs, lows for sure, and what we didn't gain in satisfaction we gained in car mileage. There will be more trips and we will eventually find our place and that is a day I am really looking forward to. As always, if you know any places, we are ready for suggestions. Ready ready ready ready...

Bonus!

Three Reception Hall Cliches
1)Gazebos - They're kinda silly looking. Whats the point really? If I took a picture in front of a gazebo would you be like, "Oh snap! That gazebo is killin' it!" You don't talk like that do you?
2) Ice Sculptures - A heart, a swan, a fish, it's ice, it's melting, it's a waste of money, it's totally pointless. Unless it's a luge.
3) Flow - Everywhere we go, people want to flow. Flow is the wedding buzzword. If we took a shot every time we heard the word flow, we'd be Tara Reid. It is a very big concern that your guests will just mill about uncomfortably like those little wind-up robots that go around in circles. We must flow, we must be free, you can not contain these guests!